Menopause: Why Does Everyone Suddenly Annoy Me?

I have a question.

How is it that after spending fifty-plus years becoming a reasonably decent human being... menopause shows up and suddenly I want to throat-punch people for breathing too loudly?

Seriously.

Some days the entire world just irritates me.

My partner could load the dishwasher wrong...

He could load it right...

He could leave it for me...

He could do it before I even wake up...

Somehow, in my menopausal brain, he's still guilty.

Now don't get me wrong. There are plenty of times I have a perfectly good reason to be irritated.

But then there are the other days.

The days where I'm miserable for absolutely no logical reason, and the worst part is... I KNOW IT.

Trying to snap myself out of it feels like swimming through an ocean full of sharks. Every time I punch one in the nose, another one appears.

Mood swings.

Rage.

Tears.

Then complete emotional shutdown.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Apparently, this is what happens when your ovaries decide they've officially retired without giving you two weeks' notice.

Let's talk about estrogen.

Everyone tells you, "Oh, your hormones change."

That sounds so innocent.

No.

My hormones packed their bags, stole my sanity, and burned the map.

I tried an estrogen patch.

That lasted about as long as a snowball in Louisiana.

Within days I had bleeding, cramps that made me question every life decision I'd ever made, and enough pain to remind me of the miscarriage I had years ago.

I don't even remember getting cramps that bad during my actual periods.

So...

Off came the patch.

Now before anyone comes after me...

This isn't me saying hormone replacement therapy is bad.

Far from it.

For many women, hormone therapy is life-changing and is considered one of the most effective treatments for bothersome menopausal symptoms.

It just wasn't my experience.

At least not this time.

Maybe someday I'll try again after the PTSD from my first attempt wears off.

And then...

Can we please discuss what nobody warned us about?

My hair.

I've always had a mane of thick hair.

Now?

It's dry.

Breaking.

Every brush feels like I'm donating another handful to science.

My skin?

Imagine painting white glue all over your body and waiting for it to dry.

That tight...

That uncomfortable...

Like no amount of moisturizer is ever enough.

And while we're being completely honest...

It isn't just my face that's dry.

Ladies...

You know exactly where I'm going.

My poor cooch.

Some days wiping with toilet paper feels like a high-risk activity.

Sex?

Let's just say "spontaneous" has left the building.

Painful intimacy, dryness, itching...

Nobody puts that in the menopause brochures.

The medical name is Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause, and it's incredibly common. Falling estrogen levels can cause vaginal dryness, irritation, urinary symptoms, and painful sex. Unfortunately, these symptoms often don't improve on their own without treatment.

I've tried vaginal moisturizers and inserts.

Some help.

Some make me itch.

Some leave me wondering whether the cure is worse than the problem.

So once again...

Back to the drawing board.

Then comes the emotional roller coaster.

One minute I'm crying because a Labrador looked sad on Facebook.

Five minutes later I'm plotting my partner's disappearance because he asked what I wanted for supper.

Then suddenly...

I don't care about anything.

Energy?

Gone.

Libido?

Missing in action.

Patience?

She retired before my ovaries did.

The frustrating part is that I don't even like this version of me.

If I could punch myself in the face some days...

I probably would.

Instead, I apologize to everyone else for wanting to punch them.

So...

Research mode has officially begun.

As many of you know, I've already been using Retatrutide and AOD-9604 for a couple of months.

So far they've actually been a pleasant surprise.

More energy.

A little weight loss.

Overall I simply feel better.

Now I'm taking another step.

I've ordered PT-141 to see whether it helps with libido and mood.

I'm also adding BPC-157 because if my body insists on falling apart one body part at a time, I may as well throw every healing tool I can legally research at it.

Will they work?

I honestly don't know.

I'm not recommending that anyone copy what I'm doing.

This isn't medical advice.

This is simply me sharing my own journey and what I'm choosing to explore with my healthcare team and through my own research.

Because if something helps...

I want to know.

And if it doesn't...

Well... at least one of us gets entertainment out of this experiment.

My newest obsession?

Finding the perfect collagen.

Apparently finding Bigfoot would be easier.

I want all five collagen types.

Glucosamine.

Biotin.

Hyaluronic acid.

Basically, I want a magic powder that makes my joints stop creaking, my skin stop shrinking, my hair stop breaking, and maybe—if it's feeling ambitious—helps my knees quit sounding like microwave popcorn every time I stand up.

The closest thing I've found so far is Codeage Multi Collagen Peptides Platinum here in the U.S.

Unfortunately, getting the exact version in Canada seems about as easy as finding a unicorn at Costco.

So the search continues.

If you've found an amazing collagen available in Canada...

Please tell me.

Seriously.

I'm begging.

Here's what really bothers me.

Women spend decades raising families...

Building careers...

Supporting everyone around us...

Then menopause shows up and we're often expected to just quietly suffer through it.

Sometimes it feels like if men suddenly developed exploding hormones, painful sex, disappearing libido, dry skin, hair loss, hot flashes, mood swings, and the overwhelming urge to commit homicide over dirty socks...

There would've been twelve medications, three documentaries, and a National Awareness Month by now.

We?

We get told to "hang in there."

I remember my mother becoming more miserable as she got older.

I understand her now.

Her mother was even worse.

But I don't want my children...

Or my grandchildren...

To remember me that way.

I want them to remember laughter.

Adventure.

Patience.

Love.

Not the woman who wanted to fight the toaster because it popped up too loudly.

So this is where my newest journey begins.

I'll keep sharing the wins.

I'll definitely share the failures.

And if nothing else...

Maybe we can laugh through this together.

Because if menopause is determined to humble me...

I'm determined to make good blog material out of it.

After all, as my daughter Isabella-Mia reminded me the other day...

"It's not the road we take, Momma...

It's the journey."

So buckle up.

Apparently this journey has hot flashes, dry elbows, questionable hormones, and one very grumpy redhead trying to figure it all out.

Until next week...

Wish my partner luck.

He's going to need it.

– Fina

Veni, vidi, vici